Mister Comedy

An old canard about the middle east crisis (slightly amended) says that ‘the Palestinians and Israelis never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity’. I think that applies to the Democratic Party as well. No matter the lock they might seem to have in an election year, they seem to actively find ways not to win. There is no way the last two elections should have been close enough for Ohio shenanigans and hanging chads to have even mattered. In 2004, Ralph Nader did not cost Al Gore the election–Al Gore cost Al Gore the election. When a sitting vice-president can’t win his home state, there’s a fundamental problem.

And now it looks like, despite a president who’s less popular than brussel sprouts, an wildly unpopular war and a housing market that looks more like a flea market, the race is essentially–even? What??? I feel like I’m in one of those Twilight Zone episodes, where I’ve just woken up to realize no one sees the monster except me (cut to me running through the streets grabbing strangers and shaking them screaming “DON’T YOU GET IT?!”).

The most impressive thing about hearing John McCain speak is that you can barely see Karl Rove’s lips move. When you think about it, McCain is an agent of change, in that the Repugnicans have changed the empty vessel into which they pour the usual GOP nonsense. Where the Democrats go wrong is with their smug assumption that it’s enough to be right. In American politics today (and yesterday, and four years ago, and…) being right is not enough. It would be lovely is both sides could simply distribute by email a PDF document listing their positions and let the informed, rational electorate decide, but that just ain’t how it works. When your opponent gains ground, you have to do…something. More to the point, when they lie, you have to say they’re lying! In a bar fight, there comes a point where you stop saying “dude, let’s just talk it out” and you start throwing things.

Look, I’m all for taking the high road, but if that road is closed for a few miles, you don’t stop driving. You get down on the low road, your car gets a little dirty, and you get where you want to go. Once you’re there, you repair the high road so that everyone can drive on it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted from mixing all these metaphors.