Kill your computer

The title for this piece is set in a font called "Algerian". If you don't have "Algerian" (or "impact" or "copperplate gothic light") installed on your computer, then you'll have to imagine what they look like, or, if you'd like, spend a couple hundred dollars on a brand new font package just to get the full effect of this piece.

Now although I think the fonts I used look kinda cool, the piece would have been finished considerably sooner if I didn't have algerian, or impact, or any of the other HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SEVEN fonts currently in residence on my hard drive.

See, I like to think I'm a writer, but I don't actually write anymore. What I do is spend what seems like hours

underlining, italicizing, changing font sizes,

centering,

creating frames, adding borders, and especially choosing freaking fonts to use for what I'm not getting around to writing!!!  

Before I had a computer, I remember writing all the time--on napkins, the backs of envelopes, , index cards, overdue bill notices--it didn't matter. What mattered was the content. (...by the way, I didn't need to use bold text in the previous sentence, and for that matter I didn't need to underline 'need' in this one, but you get the idea...) I now have so many layout tools at my disposal I could probably publish an issue of the New Yorker, not that I would have finished any articles for that issue.

I have therefore come to the conclusion that the computer is actually an enemy of the writer. Here's the deal--without a computer, if I have "writer's block," I have to stare at a blank piece of paper until I think of something to write. Simple. With a computer, when my muse leaves, I can wait for her by spell-checking what I've already written, or making the title look like a ransom note, or counting the words I've written so far (266).

Besides the mechanics of how the page looks, I also now have infinitely more distractions with a computer than without. I’m sure the internet has some legitimate uses, but unless you have the discipline of a monk, it becomes the World Wide Waste of Time. I’ve bookmarked so many sites that my information superhighway is turning into a strip mall at the end of a cul-de-sac. For instance, I’m almost sure that what I’m writing won’t require access to the Zambia Times, and I’m absolutely sure that I won’t write anything that justifies having the Congressional record at my fingertips.

Then there’s the fact that since computers are machines, they have a tendency to (pardon my technical terms) crap out. I have never had a piece of paper inexplicably shut down in the middle of a sentence, nor have I ever had my pen simply freeze in the middle of a word. And when I want to find something I wrote, I don’t usually have to figure out where I saved it.

What I’m getting at is that my writing output has declined exponentially since I became computer literate. If you’re an aspiring writer, do yourself a favor. Get a pad of paper (remember paper?) and write. For an investment of about a dollar and a half you can buy all the tools you need to be a writer. When you’ve finished writing, write something else. When you run out of paper, get some more.

I’m sure I have more valuable tips, but right now I need to install this new grammar-checking software, and then I heard about this great web-site on how to get published in Zambia...