An open letter to the citizens of Minneapolis:
In a short time, the people of Minneapolis will face an important choice--vote for me, or don't. It won't matter. Either way, I welcome this opportunity to share my vision for this city with you.
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First, though, let me address the cynics who will say that I am entirely unelectable , not because of my ideas, which my friends assure me are brilliant, but because there are things about my personal life which could be seen as 'voter negatives'--what with being a bisexual, pot-smoking socialist . What these cynics don't realize is just how many bisexual pot-smoking socialists are in Minneapolis, a vast untapped army of stoned horny leftists, and I am their candidate. |
As a political outsider, some have said I should start with something small, like school board, or parks director (that's a tough job--"I am strongly in favor of...watering the grass"). Then, a mayoral campaign. But I care too much about this great city to sit on the sidelines and allow more 'qualified' candidates to get all the attention.