This is my latest news ticker...I used to use the Yahoo! news ticker, but since the headlines come from "Yahoo!," each one was preceded by the word 'Yahoo!'-- not a problem if it's something like "Fed cuts interest rate," but it's a little disturbing to see "Yahoo! Hundreds killed in avalanche". So before you look at the archives, check out what's happening now...
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So the largest fires in Arizona and Colorado history were set by...disgruntled FIREFIGHTERS. Apparently they couldn't pass the exam to become disgruntled postal workers. |
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| In Kansas,
public schools are now allowed to teach evolution again. Opponents had
argued that there is no tangible evidence of evolution...and you know, if
you base your theory entirely on Kansas, well, I suppose they're right...
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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) - A clarinetist was severely beaten in an initiation ritual just two weeks after Florida A&M University officials began investigating reports of hazing in its marching band. "There are allegations of paddling," said band director Julian White. Jjust another tragic case of geek-on-geek crime. Plus, you have to like any story that starts with "A clarinetist was severely beaten..." |
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(from the AP news wire) TEXAS EXECUTES 39TH INMATE THIS YEAR and just a few paragraphs below we read... TEXAS NEEDS MORE PRISON CELLS obvious question--WHY? SEEMS TO ME LIKE THEY'RE TAKING CARE OF THAT PROBLEM! And now commercial airline pilots want to carry guns. Great. Let's just make everything like the Old West--have swinging doors leading to the cockpit, the flight attendants could dress like saloon girls--"This is your captain speaking...and if anyone moves about the cabin I'll shoot you where you stand..." Convicted Unabomber Ted Kasczinski was denied a request to serve as his own lawyer. He then asked if he could serve as his own judge, or at least be foreman of his own jury. |
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| WASHINGTON
-- The CIA found no evidence that its employees or agents colluded with
allies of the Nicaraguan Contra rebels involved in crack cocaine sales in
the United States--
Let me get this straight. The CIA (a COVERT organization) investigated ITSELF and came to the conclusion that they didn't do anything wrong. |
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| One
of the president's advisors visited Africa, and a key point in one
of his speeches was that the biggest sin America has committed against
Africa is that of neglect--gee, and I thought the greatest sin we were
involved in would've been the enslavement and abuse of thousands of people
for profit--guess it's just perspective, but I've got a feeling Africa
would have been cool with a little neglect.
from the entertainment pages: "Whereas the real Barney is kind, gentle, and loving, the putative Barney engages in fisticuffs with the Chicken and generally behaves in a manner totally foreign to the real Barney," Judge John McBryde wrote in his 21-page ruling. |
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I'm not sure which is more frightening--the fact that a real judge spent TWENTY-ONE PAGES discussing how the real Barney behaves, or the fact that he thinks Barney is real. |
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| Trent
Lott, U.S. Senator from...Mayberry RFD, outraged queer activists by
saying, in the Congressional Record, that
homosexuality is "wrong." You know, maybe we should cut him some slack, because it's just a regional thing. See, where he's from, homosexuality IS wrong, and where I'm from, INBREEDING is wrong! |
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