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| President-Elect Bill Gates was under fire again today for alleged tampering with Internet ballots. Gates issued a brief statement (59 kb), noting that a bug was found in Microsoft Vote versions 3.0 and lower, causing all votes for his opponent to be counted for him. Microsoft is working on the problem, and should be issuing Microsoft Vote XP in time for the next election.Vice-President Michael Jordan, coming off a twenty-eight point performance against the Knicks last night, had no comment. | |
| American tobacco giant
R.J. Reynolds has done the unthinkable, releasing a report today admitting
that cigarette smoke "doesn't smell that good." The American Cancer
Society issued a terse response, claiming 'We give up. People are
idiots.'"
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| After decades of fighting ,Israel and the Palestinians have agreed to end the violence. In a joint statement by Hamas (www.homeland.com) and Israel (www.chosen.homeland.com), the two sides agreed that they are in fact ethnically related, and, in an important concession, agreed there is nothing left in the Middle East to blow up. | |
| In a related story, after decades of fighting and then not fighting, Northern and Southern Ireland have agreed to resume fighting. | |
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| In music news, rock and roll legends The Rolling Stones have cancelled their upcoming North American tour, citing poor ticket sales. The tour, featuring new lead vocalist and former Baywatch star David Hasselhof, was scheduled to begin this week, but new guitarist and former Charlie's Angels star Jaclyn Smith said the band will be ready for an appearance at Woodstock III. The festival, designed as a peace celebration,is expected to draw upwards of 15 people. Photo | |
| In other music news, The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As Prince now wants to be known as Andy. | |
| Finally, in the landmark censorship case "U.S. vs. Howard Stern" the Supreme Court today ruled 10-2 that people should turn off the radio if they are offended by what they hear. It is unclear what this will mean for the Internet. | |
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On the economic front, The Dow Jones closed up 7000 to a new record high of 32000 today. The Federal Reserve Board has declared all paper money worthless as of today. Microsoft closed up an eighth. |
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| The weather forecast for New York and the rest of the East Coast--a gorgeous winter day, with highs approaching 97 near the beaches, dropping to a low of 95 tonight. | |
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| That's the news, and don't forget, coming up next on MSNBCBS, "When Animals Attack the People on 'Survivor'" | |
