My Old Tweets
TL;DR I quit Twitter and moved a bunch of my tweets here.
I used to tweet. A lot. Of couirse, this was before anybody’ (and by ‘anybody’ I mean ‘I’) realized that Twitter was a toxic cesspoool filled with misinformation and bullying–essentially, high school with blue check marks. I tweeted somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,100 tweets before billionaire (and villain in a direct-to-cable TV movie) Elon Musk put down his bong long enough to impulse buy Twitter.
Obviously, I could list the reasons I’m skeptical of a mega-rich, union-busting, tax-evading dude controlling a major social media platform AND appointing himself ‘guardian of free speech,’ but let’s just say that Musk is that rare celebrity that seems both dangerous and weird–sort of a cross between Dr. Evil and Dr. Strange. He may be a visionary, but even his fan boys have to admit he comes across a little cray-cray.
Besides, I was hoping to use Twitter to synergize my brand, not that I know what any of those words really mean. I THINK they mean that I want as many people as possible to read whatever it is I do..
To that point, I learned that just over twenty percent of Americans have Twitter accounts, while over SIXTY percent of us are on Facebook. Not that this statistic means that Mark Zuckerberg is three times as good as Elon Musk, or that Facebook is two hundred percent better than Twitter (I’m fuzzy on the math); I just figure I only need one gigantic time-sucking feed to distract me from . . . you know . . . actually writing.
That just leaves me with the dilemma of what to call these random thoughts. Now, since I have a food podcast I’m trying to promote (synergy! branding!), I immediately thought of “snarky snacks,” but that read a little too cutesy. “Mirthful morsels?” Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. “Hors d’oevre humoristiques?” Definitely fancy, but not very catchy.
Finally, I turned to my friends at Merriam-Webster, and found it–
Definition of tidbit
So below, you’ll find a few hundred of my favorite tidbits. They’re all date-stamped, so if you have no idea what I was on about, you can look it up. I’ll also add new tidbits to my homepage, whenever I think of something funny that’s too short to be a full post. Or, if I’m just feeling too lazy to write a full post.
Oh, and before you character-counting nitpickers get outraged that some of my new tidbits wouldn’t have fit into a tweet, let it go. I’ll be using this space for whatever I want, even if my latest tidbits end up a little longer than 280 characters
Cool? Cool. Now get to scrolling! You’ve got over twelve years of tweets to get through, and there may be a quiz.
I’m getting my booster shot on Tuesday at Walgreens…kinda weird that I can help save civilization by just walking into a place where I can also get Fruity Pebbles for $2.99. Which reminds me – – I should get some Fruity Pebbles.